INCREDIBLE!!!
July 29, 2005

my husband says to me as he is hugging me good bye this morning,

“i hope you have a show tonight as good as lil’s last night!” and if i do, i will be on cloud nine FOREVER!!!

lemme tell you why….

yesterday was lily’s last day of rock-n-roll camp! she attended every day for four hours for two and a half weeks. her band consisted of 8-10 year olds: a bass player, keyboard player, electric guitarist, drummer…and…tah-dah!…..lily on lead vocals!

i’d pick her up everyday and she would say things like “today was amazing!’ or “this was the best day of my life!” and then she would walk around the house practicing the lyrics to “gimme some lovin’” or “twist and shout”, but we had NO IDEA how UNBELIEVABLY FANTASTIC her FIRST GIG last night at the BROKEN SPOKE was going to be….ok, ok, you probably think i am being a proud mom here. well, dagnabit, i am!!!!!!!, but lemme say, also, that this was one of the most lovingly organized rock-n-roll shows i have ever had the honor to attend.

we got to the broken spoke at 6 pm…which was a good thing as it was already packed with kids and families and video cameras and people camping out at tables with their ice teas and nachos. the broken spoke has a rectangular, low ceilinged room and has been the home of everyone from the legendary bob wills to asleep at the wheel…in other words, it is a true texas honky tonk dance hall!
so, the middle of the room is one big old slab of smooth concrete (from years of boot scootin…it shines! shiny concrete! who knew!?)

kids with blue hair. kids in plaid pants with chains. kids in vans (the shoes, not the vehicles). small kids, tall kids, kids with braces, kids dressed like stevie ray vaughn and japanese pop stars. kids walking in, getting their hand stamped at the door (that cracked me up for some reason…you got a little wheel on your hand!)…kids carrying electric guitars and drum sticks and amps and wow! it was a mini-revolution going on in there, except all the punks were saying “excuse me” and the wee ones all sat on the front of the stage in a row, like crows on a wire…and there sat lily, chatting it up with her friend and fellow musician, willow (could she have a cooler r-n-r name!?).
lily, whose hair we had only moments before colored gold with blue and green chunks in the front….looking like a lovebird from the rain forest, laughing and smiling, sipping tea through a straw out of a giant sized red plastic cup.

and io dancing and doing cartwheels, babies bopping back and forth, moms checking their cameras, a giant fan blowing air from the side of the stage, everyone’s hair flowing and laughter erupting in the glow of dim lightbulbs, me saving a spot on the shiny concrete floor directly in front of the stage (much like i’m waiting for the stones to appear at any minute!!) and i am not moving because i am SAVING OUR SEATS so we can see lily front and center because even MORE PEOPLE will be arriving when the show starts at 7:00!!!

lance arrives, marty arrives, maxine and sophia arrive, teresa arrives, jen and her girls arrive (including lily’s best friend), lily’s dad arrives with a big array of flowers…and maxine and sophia and the girls have made SIGNS!!! “LB on the LP!” and “Goo Lily!” (which means “go lily!” but all the moms are loving it as “goo”!)…we are now a cheering squad, waiting for our lil….and the time arrives…

alvin crow, (who along with mike murphy runs the camp), pops up on the stage looking like an old pro: red running pants with white stripes down the length of the leg, a white tee shirt….starts announcements on the mic, telling us the names of the bands…first it will be the stingrays, followed by COLDFLAME (at which point we all hoot and holler…it’s lily’s band!!!!)….followed by 10 other great names
(“don’t panic” comes to mind…ha ha! that was a good one)….and the kids all file into the back left beside the stage…there they go!

and here they come! the first band is a group of 14-15 year olds with THREE GIRLS IN THE BAND! this is “stingray”….(no, the humor wasn’t lost on lance and me….cuz our design group is called “stingray”, too)…they blew my mind…! on keyboards, bass and lead vocals/electric guitar…they were really, really good. i mean REALLY. not only do they teach these kids how to be a band, but they help them with introductions, sharing the instruments (trading off) and how to have complete composure….they really rock hard and seemed like they’ve been together, jamming late nights in funky clubs, for as long as the people who actually play in clubs!

of course, i’ve been running video all night…captured lily at home before we left the house…her walking into the club…her dancing and hanging out and waiting…and now, here comes alvin to introduce COLDFLAME and lily and her bandmates are hitting the stage, strutting on like they OWN the joint!!! lily is at the mic now, can you see her? in a hot pink tee shirt with black tiger stripes(her best friend’s, by the way!) and black pants and slick black go-go boots…her hair is hanging all around her face, the chunks of blue and green falling across her left eye…very dramatic! she asks us how we’re doing, she tells us they are coldflame, she tells us the name of their first song, and WHAMMO! they are off and MAKING MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

am i excited? am i the happiest person on the whole entire planet at that moment? am i trying not to totally lose it? yes, yes, i was doing really good and only cried at the very end, big wet sloppy sobbing joy running out my eyeballs tears of complete and utter enthusiastic love love and more love heart beaming tears everywhere still holding the camera steady for all three songs the last one is where i am bursting through the roof of the club and out into the universe and the stars are patting me on the back and celebrating the beauty that is this being called LILY and where did she channel that confidence and her voice oh her voice so smooth and proud and having a BLAST and wow! wow! all i can think is she is not even nine yet and she is ROCKING OUT WITH A BAND and having an experience she can remember now forever and ever amen and i am so thrilled for her to harbour all this passion life learning compassion where will she go with this talent and love in her life? she already IS. she is who she is and it is fabulous and i can let go and know she is on her life’s journey and i just need to keep loving her and she is so FINE!!!!!!!

(yes, you are going to have to read more entries about io that are like this, as well….and i betcha i start throwing some in about lance but right now let me beam for lily!!!!)

and the crowd is freaking out!!! we are all on our feet, suddenly, a rush of energy as coldflame finishes up their last song (after all jumping up and down in UNISON while playing their instruments AND lily singing oh oh incredible!!!) and alvin returns and says
“that is a hard act to follow!! how about that coldflame!?” and we are screaming, all of us, the whole room….

and then lily comes to sit with us and our group is smothering her with hugs and kisses and flowers and happy tears and i love yous and i love EVERYONE in that room with all my heart! i jump on alvin later with mega-thank yous and “ohmygodsthatwasmorethanicouldhaveevenimaginedgreat!” and i think i have thrown him into shock with my mom joy but i don’t care!

and we all go to kerbey lane and celebrate with pancakes and tea and sit around and it is family time, again, my little tribe of friends and
girls and husband and life is good and on the way into the restaurant a beautiful ending note….

marty and the girls see a yellow parakeet up in a tree…and they come to get me and the camera….and now our yellow feathered friend is on the tape, sitting quietly among lime green leaves, a symbol of things to come, the freedom of owning your own wings, of being different and standing out because you are who you are…sitting tall up in a tree and waiting to FLY.



posted by Sara Hickman at 05:04 am
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whew!
July 26, 2005

If i”m redundant, please forgive me. I’m trying to share what all goes on to make the new record, so I might repeat myself in my fatigue (and spell some words wrong, as well!)

Well, last night was my final night in the studio working on the songs. This is how studio days have looked for me and my family:

Lance up at 6:15 to get ready for work
Sara up at 6:30 - 7 am to work on emails
Lily up around 7 to take care of cats, play with new kitten she saved from under our shed
Lance leaves for work
Sara make breakfast around 8:30 am (and lunches, for later, when necessary)
Maxine shows up to play with the girls 8:45
Everyone has breakfast
Sara showers and heads off to the studio 9:45
Sara in the studio from 10 am- 7:30 pm everyday
Lance home at 6:00
Mom home by 8:00
Catch up with each other about our day, brush teeth, get in jammies
Everybody scramble on to mom and dad’s bed and read our nightly book…we are currently reading “Ida B.”, which was sent by my friend, Julie, and has suddenly taken a sad turn…

Again, first week in the studio was basics: drum, bass, acoustic guitar, electric guitar…then lead vocals for all the songs in two days

Meanwhile, the girls played at home, the zoo, swimming pool, with Maxine and friends…Lily is taking Rock-n-Roll camp…and this week I have been taking iolana to Vacation Bible School at our church (in the morning, I get to be Sunny, the yellow puppet horse! I hide in this wonderful barn with only the puppet peeking out to “talk” to Dusty,
the farmhand, and teach the kids about God’s love.)

Then, this week, for another seven days, I added:

Monday: I fix vocals, add harmonies, dump song from file into computer and start working on it, add Jimmy La Fave, add more of my acoustic, I sing two remaining lead tracks

Tuesday: finish vocals

Wednesday: percussion overdubs (tan-tan, congas, bongos, tambourines, triangle, handclaps…) with Michael Longoria (WHOA!!! this was amazing….), add gospel choir (Ruthie Foster, Gretchen Phillips, and me…stacked several times…whoo! we rock! I had so much fun arranging this song and the vocal parts…gosh golly!)

Thursday: add additional keyboard sounds, add horn sections

Friday: overdub additional electric/slide, acoustics (Robert Mcintee…another amazing musician)….add accordian…(he forgot to show up because he was in the middle of some afternoon delight! no kidding…first time that has ever happened! so i won’t tell you his name)….add Kelly Willis on harmony on two tracks

Saturday: Eddie Collins comes to add banjo….accordian player and i talk on the phone and he feels so embarrassed and god bless him he shows up today! great job, and I think having sex in the middle of the afternoon completely justifies almost anything!…comp bazouki…work more on harmonies

Sunday: add Tosca on strings (more open weeping by me…unbelievably awesome)….arrangements by the astounding Danny Levin for…oops! not going to tell you the name of the song yet! and Will Taylor (who created a lush arrangement for…nope, not going to tell you the name of that song either….)…Lily comes in to sing…A fine group of friends show up to add a group sing-a-long vocal…iolana mimics a tiny bird for inclusion somewhere on the record….
Lance takes a group photo! Hooray! Someone thinks to bring a camera cuz I never do! Duh!

Monday: David Grissom comes in and adds more amazing electric guitar trax and blows my mind cuz he is so super nice (and funny)…Shawn Colvin comes to sing on a song…and she works fast, too! I like that she brought reading glasses and she had a skirt with concentric circles. I kept staring at the circles, they had sparkles! I love sparkles.
Maybe I was a crow in a former life.

And..suddenly…it’s ….7:00 pm…! Time to end… we back up the new work and gather my production notes and any incidental items left in the room (charts, pita bread, capos, shoes…)

I feel exhausted but looking forward to mixing. I can hardly wait! I feel like I bought my momma a present with every bit of my saved up allowance, wrapped it with the best paper my money could buy, and now it is about to sit under the tree and I have to wait until Christmas morning! You know that feeling I am talking about?

Tonight we have a meeting about what the packaging for the album will look like….but, first! I need to vaccuum the house.

posted by Sara Hickman at 02:45 pm
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working hard
July 19, 2005

this week in the studio, the first two days, today being the second of the two, i have been working on vocals. fixing vocals, singing vocals, re-singing vocals, putting on harmonies, putting on more harmonies, bringing in other singers to put on harmonies…fun stuff! my engineer, ned, has the temperament of a calm day…light and breezy and in it for the music. great guy!

tomorrow ruthie foster and gretchen phillips come in to sing! brad evilsizer comes in to put on percussion! thursday…horn overdubs! whoo! i can’t wait to hear the charts that john mills wrote…he is a master and has played on many of my other cds…who knows what tv show he played on with me? there are two of them…a free super sara summer surprise will come in the mail TO YOU if you guess both…must be the first one….(must enter your guess here)….

friday…i can not believe it and i am so happy to announce that….oh, wait…i’ll keep something of a surprise for you. i’ll talk about friday (and sunday) next week.

but i do have NAME REMOVED TO PROTECT THE HAPPY AFTERNOON ENCOUNTER coming to play accordian and a new fellow, eddie collins, coming to play BANJO!!!

gotta go back to work, just wanted to dip my toes into the pool of cool summer love and say HOW - DO to each of you…

posted by Sara Hickman at 09:33 am
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i know, i know
July 09, 2005

3:08 in the morning…if i can’t sleep, i might as well be creating something, si?

working hard on driving from here to there…a four hour drive becomes seven with three fabulous, laughing children in the back…stopping whenever we feel like it…trying to go to a little country zoo on the way, my tires look low, i stop to put air in the tires, we drive the backwoods…the zoo has a big gate with the words in red: CLOSED…driving on…stopping at a funny cafe in old dime box, texas and asking the kids to eat salad you need salad have some vegetables i say they want gravy and chicken tenders and please eat some salad and then my nephew crams his hands in the croutons since there is no spoon or serviing utensil “milo!” i exclaim and he looks stricken and then i have to explain that there are tongs to use we can’t use hands in restaurants at salad bars and iolana please put your shoes back on and we are playing hangman on the napkins …everyone use the restroom let’s hit the road back in the car teasing pushing seatbelts gum chewing …driving, driving to the candy store in huntsville and there are 25 cent candy sticks, gummi bears in jars, chocolates and swirls of color….grabbing a box of handmade convections for my step-dad…driving on, forgetting to yell out “hellloooo, ethridge!” like i always do when i drive through huntsville and feeling sick i forgot….driving more, almost there, hang on, now, almost there, everybody…driving into the driveway, visiting my mother…hugging, dinner ready, come on it, you’ll have a room to yourself you have had such a week come relax now, there, there…next day, celebrating my grandmother’s life with strangers and friends, cake and ice cream, photographs, memories, tears…singing “i’ll fly away” with a room full of fragile people in wheelchairs, slumped over and waiting for love…wishing i had a tape recorder as we sing…wishing i had captured this moment in life…watching tears fall from my brave mother’s cheek as she holds my nephew, tenderly, in her heartbroken, yet faith filled, arms…a minister who laughs out loud when offered cake…”too much already, ya can see from the belly!” he goofs…wiping an old man’s face after he has gotten icing on his nose, cheeks and chin…he licked the bowl! smiling into his eyes and dabbing at him with the biggest love i can share, my heart to his…grabbing my guitar and singing ella fitzgerald songs to a circle of elderly, one man bent over in half, trying to help him, help him someone please holding him and whispering “hang on, help is coming” as he moans “it hurts” i see my daughter’s eyes as she goes to get a nurse, panicked yet calm she sees we are in need…i see my guitar balanced precariously on a stool next to another man’s twitching foot but if the guitar falls i will not care i let it go it has been broken so many times but never broken like this man i hold in my arms…wanting to be able to heal his old body and knowing that holding him is the best i can give
finally someone comes and they grab him up like an old doll, pushing him back in his chair, he is dazed and i can let go says the nurse you can let go…

driving back yesterday…i call ahead to the zoo, this time our nephew is not with us and we are sad but we want to go to the zoo and they answer the phone but will be closing at five and we are ways a way and no problem, we will stay open just for you and they DO and we have a private viewing, me and the girls, of this fabulous miniature zoo…we watch vic feed the lion (his name is bamboo) and we see the guinea pig ranch, the turkeys, the fossa, the baby coatis (five? four? can’t tell, they are in a tree trunk, sure are cute, though!), the lemurs the bobcats the pony the goats who nibble ferociously at our buckets of feed the giant snake and bathroom break and tumbling back into the car, eager to get back to austin, tired of being in the car, the car with no more things to do, mommy….tired of drawing on paper, drawing on ourselves, drawing and talking and laughing just want home now…
hang in there we are so close, my loves…chinese food is waiting, daddy is waiting! how far, mommy? how far now? oh, just twenty miles or so…is that far, mom? iolana counts to twenty and i explain with a smile that twenty miles is about thirty minutes so she counts to thirty…”there” she says, “are we home now?” i have to laugh….lily says a minute is sixty seconds so everyone looks out the window and i drive on as we feel hopeful that soon we will be out of the car

working hard on the creativity class for the crossings…worry, worry, organize some more, laugh out loud, thinking, searching pushing finding more ideas…stretching…wanting this to be a class of create create create getting people to make and see and smell and feel and just go for it…writing it all up, changing things around…gathering materials…feeling like a mother hen…wanting there to be enough room to expand for the mind the spirit the energy the heart…knowing i am who and what i am and will give what i have to offer and that will be what it is and hoping people walk away seeing the creative everywhere seeing they can expand their home their yard their ideas and life through creative ka-pow

working hard on the album…calling and organizing…making a new calendar with times for each musician to show up for the next set of days back in the studio..balancing out funds and figuring out what each song needs in order to burst forth into the world as its own creation…feeling excitement with each yes and looking forward to hearing sounds and voices and blending it all into one micro-universe capturing these moments as a mother wife creator musician elf wanderer passion thriver pusher nurturer

working hard to remember birthdays..to send cards and wishes…

working not at all to love my neighbor, jack, as he appears on my doorstep, a bit of five o’clock shadow in the 102 heat, his robin’s egg blue polyester pants his shirt to match one button not quite in one of the holes, he sits i bring him water he is on my melon colored couch and we talk about this and that and i show him pictures of lily with the beluga, of hillary clinton and george bush and george burns…he says, “that’s you” when i show him the pic of me and hillary and we laugh…his wife is a proud republican and can she party! whoo! i ask to walk jack home, he seems so wobbly these days, no no he says as i move lawn furniture from fourth of july out of his way and he walks on towards his home next door then three hours go by and there is an ambulance and i rush outside as they drive away with my friends inside…jack has fallen and fractured his hip while helping fran bring the groceries in and i feel might heart frantic beating what can i do i say what can i do to their daughter who is always so calm, so kind and she calls me later to update me they are still in the emergency room, waiting, waiting it has been two or three hours i can’t tell you now but that seems like an eternity to make people wait so long when i know he is in pain but from the phone i hear fran has eaten dinner out of a machine, that is what she wants to tell me and then jack says something comical, too, and i hear their hope and their humor and i realize this is life life is happening every second all the time no going back just love and let love and pray for kindness it is all we can do to love this here and now and i want to reach out there and scoop the pain up and lay it across my lap and nurture it away i want there to be arms around the world all the time, soothing…soothing

i want to sleep how does sleep occur?

posted by Sara Hickman at 01:08 am
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happy fourth
July 04, 2005

we started the morning in the barton hills parade, riding on the back of a flatbed with a p.a. system, singing patriotic songs: me, lance, lily, io, my nephew and two of our neighborhood friends. we threw out tattoos and leis and patriotic stickers and made up silly rhymes and got the neighbors to clap, lined up in their chairs, cheering from the sidewalks and curbs and under the sanctity of shady trees.

the children ate watermelon, participated in sack races, whacked a pinata, threw waterballoons…there was a little boy, about four or five, who wore a NASA astronaut suit and helmet and rode in the parade in a rocket ship…i had him stand next to me as i sang the National Anthem…i talked about the importance of NASA, and how meaningful the first walk on the moon had been to so many of us in 1969….afterwards, his mom told me it meant a lot to me that he was recognized in front of the neighborhood because all he talks about is space exploration. isn’t that wonderful? a child still enthralled by space!

we’ve had friends over…enjoyed dinner….and now we are off to swim before shooting off fireworks and returning to the hill to watch the spectacle of the big city display tonight…

i wish everyone a safe and happy fourth….

posted by Sara Hickman at 04:47 pm
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death
July 01, 2005

death walked all over the world this week, i know.

but it came in a series of three for us…first, the passing of my grandmother last friday…then the passing of my care partner on tuesday…and one of my cats, my oldest cat (sixteen years of age), dying thursday night in a freakish accident…..

my mind is a blur…it started with singing at annie robinson’s service almost two sundays ago…while there was a wondrous baby shower going on at my home….then that week was a blur…was that the week i was in the studio?!

then, after my grandma suddenly passed, i was going daily to see my care partner, a young man with AIDS…i was going every day as his health suddenly began declining quickly…on saturday, i arrived at his house to a locked door…i panicked a bit…his door was always unlocked as he was unable to walk to the door…and with it locked, i feared the worst…i called other care team members and was instructed to hop the fence and try his rear sliding door…which i did, to no avail…it was locked, as well… all saturday i was sick at heart that he was in his apartment, dying, without electricity or air to boot (they had cut off his power). i had tried the apartment office: closed. one of my care team members told me she was sure he must have been moved to hospice if the doors were locked…

surely enough, later that night we found out he was safe at a hospice; moved by APS. sunday, monday and tuesday i was fortunate to be able to spend time with him, thanks to my understanding family. sunday night i read to him from the
fantastic four comic book (he had wanted to see the new movie, so i found the comic book and brought it to him…)…we talked for two hours…i can’t say much more, except that i am glad to have known this man. i am honored to have been able to, hopefully, serve him, spiritually and mentally. i sang him a long lullaby to soothe his achy soul. he dozed off. he woke and said such sweet things and then fell back to sleep.

monday i was given his keys to his apartment to go and save his fish, which is now enjoying a clean bowl and my daughter’s care. i told him the fish would have a happy life here….

tuesday, he was in a coma. i held his hand and kissed his forehead one last time. i talked to him as if we were having tea, as if we were on a stroll…he died two hours after i left. it was a rough day.

i don’t remember wednesday.

thursday, my cat died a horrid death. my sweet assistant accidently ran over him with her car. the story is grim. telling my children was worse. lily made an incredilble head stone: “johnny: a pet and a friend”….she carried this giant stone through the house and covered the grave with sunflowers.

this was the cat my friend, caryl, left behind when she died two years ago. johnny is the son of jeep-jeep, who some of you may know as the black and white cat jumping through my hair on “equal scary people”.

today was the service for my friend. then i came home and made dinner for family and friends…taco night. it was relaxing and love filled and we shot off fireworks with the kids out on the cul de sac. lots of “oohs” and “aahs” and zips and BANGS! too many mosquitos, though.

my eyes are so blurry…i think i’ll just stop now.

i think i will just enjoy this fourth of july weekend and lay to rest the sorrow that has been nipping my heels, borrowing into my heart…maybe i will sleep in tomorrow.

my dear nephew is visiting from colorado. he is tall and lean and loves skateboarding, so last night we went to the austin skate park. that was a whole new world! wow. this was after visiting the skate shop…i think i may have been the only set of ovaries to walk through those doors EVER…or, at least, it felt like it…all the boys working in the shop looked like that…pre-pubescent kids, not mean or scary or anything, just teen punks happy to skate all day, talk about skating when they aren’t skating, hang out at the shop to watch the video screen of other guys skating when they aren’t talking or riding. that was a lot of boy to see.

posted by Sara Hickman at 08:44 pm
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