Humanity and Humility
September 22, 2007
By JOSEPH P. KAHN
Boston Globe
On Aug. 5, Patrick Conway was admitted to Boston’s Beth Israel
Deaconess Medical Center in acute pain. It did not take long for
doctors to pinpoint the cause: an inoperable liver tumor that would
likely kill Conway within two to three months.
When he got the prognosis a few days later, Conway, who is 56, took
the news hard. ’’I was shocked,’’ he says. Doctors overseeing
his case said their goal was to minimize his discomfort during the days
ahead. Ordinarily, that would have meant giving Conway palliative medication
and sending him home to loved ones. His situation was hardly
ordinary, however, for he had no home to go to. For the past 16
years, Conway had been living on Boston Common. His only family
consists of his friends and allies in the city’s homeless community.
The hospital weighed other options. Conway weighed his options, too.
’’If he’d told us he wanted to go back to the Common to die, we
would have understood and probably discharged him,’’ says Dr. Nancy
Torres- Finnerty. ’’Interestingly, he said he did not want to die on the
streets. Ethically and medically, we felt justified in keeping him.’’
What happened next wasn’t covered in the fine print of medical
charts, hospital regulations, or Medicaid forms. As his support team came to know Conway better,
and as he focused more clearly on the time he had left, an unusual bond formed between
caregivers and patient. The homeless man with virtually nothing to
his name turned out to have a lot to offer others. And Conway, who’d
always hated hospitals, found much to learn also, beginning with how
love and compassion can enter a man’s life in unforeseen ways.
’’I can’t say I’m making up for past mistakes, because I can’t,’’
Conway says, sitting on a park bench outside the West Campus Clinical
Center, where he is being treated. ’’My time on Earth is short, I
know. While I’m around, though, I want people to know the truth about
someone like me, not what they read in the papers. That we’re not
bums or scary people.’’
At shelters, Conway continues, homeless people are often treated like
statistics. ’’I’m very surprised how I’m treated here,’’ he
says softly. ’’They treat me like a human being, not like a piece of
((trash)). Otherwise, I’d be back on the Common.’’
Up in his hospital room, Conway pulls out a card from Kohta Saito, a
third-year medical student and former member of his treatment team
who now works elsewhere in the hospital. ’’You have taught me a lot
beyond the science of medicine,’’ Saito wrote. He also wrote that
he kept a cross Conway had given him tucked inside his pocket.
’’How often do you get a card like that?’’ muses Conway.
’’I don’t know anything about life on the Common, but he offered me a
glimpse of that,’’ Saito says. ’’You walk through it and don’t notice
the people there, but he told me about their personalities and gave
me a picture of that community.’’
Saito isn’t the only hospital staffer moved by Conway’s circumstances
and by the concern Conway has constantly shown for others. Dr.
Melissa Mattison calls Conway ’’a breath of fresh air’’ and contrasts
him with another patient she had last month, one who in many ways was
Conway’s opposite: conspicuously wealthy, medically treatable, and
suffused with a sense of entitlement.
’’I’d leave the man’s room and head directly for Patrick’s,’’
Mattison says. ’’There he’d be, lying in bed and dying of cancer
saying, ’You should really go home and take a day off. You look
tired.’ Some people have that gift, and Patrick is one of them.’’
And then there’s social worker Sarah Porell, who’s been working
diligently to secure health coverage and hospice care for Conway.
Most homeless patients have substance abuse or mental health issues
that are readily apparent, Porell says, but not Conway. In fact, he’s
defied every stereotype homeless patients often arouse.
’’With the homeless, we sometimes blame the victim,’’ Porell
says. ’’But often there’s a much bigger story there. With Patrick,
it’s the fact that he had an education and a job yet took to the streets after
a traumatic loss. Every time we meet, his story grabs me even more.’’
When asked to tell that story, Conway offers fragments that are not
easily put together. In two extensive conversations, however, he
supplies these details:
Born in upstate New York, he moved with his family to Northern
Ireland when Conway was young. When he was a teenager, he and some
family members got involved in skirmishes with the Irish Republican
Army and several were killed in a London bombing. Conway went a
different direction, though, finishing his high school years, getting
married in 1969, and eventually moving back to the United States,
where he settled in Pennsylvania and found work as a lithography
printer.
After his daughter was born, Conway worked long hours to provide his
wife and child with everything they might want. ’’We had a good
life,’’ he reflects. ’’Our daughter graduated from college and
was going to be a sports medicine doctor.’’
A day after her college graduation in 1991, his wife and daughter
were riding in a car plowed into by a drunk driver. The daughter died
instantly. His wife was in a coma for 30 days, drifting in and out of
consciousness. At one point, Conway asked her if she had any regrets.
Yes, she said, that you worked too much and didn’t spend more time
with us.
’’She was right, too. I hadn’t,’’ he says solemnly. ’’She
died in my arms with a smile on her face.’’
Grief-stricken and guilt-ridden, he says, ’’I sold everything I owned and gave the rest away.’’
Conway’s life was suddenly adrift, as he moved from one place to the next.
Months later, in late 1991, he landed in Boston. On his first
night, huddled on Tremont Street, he nearly froze to death. Strangers
carried him to Mass General. Not only did they save his life, but
Conway had found his substitute family.
Working for a trash hauler was his only real employment after that,
but a back injury ended that job, Conway says. On the Common, he
slept on the steps of St. Paul’s Cathedral and panhandled wherever
the spare change was. Many of his friends, he says, were ’’stuck on
stupid’’ and succumbed to drugs and alcohol, which he also admits
to having abused in his past. He also admits to at least two arrests,
for public drunkenness and assault. ’’I’m not proud of what Idid,’’
he says of the latter incident, which occurred this summer before his
hospitalization. ’’But a man was groping one of my female friends.
I felt it necessary to protect her, so I did.’’
The Rev. Joan Murray met Conway four years ago through Ecclesia
Ministries, an organization ministering to Boston’s homeless that
Murray used to run. Conway was sitting on a grate outside the Park
Street MBTA station, she recalls, and after speaking with him at
length, she’d look for him whenever she took her street ministry to
the Common. ’’Patrick was always taking care of others, mostly the
ones who’d been drinking,’’ says Murray. ’’I got the sense that had
become his mission, to protect others. He is so not like what most
people think of as the chronically homeless person.’’
After Murray left Ecclesia Ministries last month, she and her
successor, the Rev. Kathy McAdams, have regularly visited Conway at
Beth Israel. McAdams is helping plan funeral arrangements and a
memorial service for Conway. Another social worker who’s befriended
Conway, Lenie Kuit of HopeFound, has been assisting with a book
project of his about street life and the homeless. Conway has kept
personal journals for years and hopes the project will be one of his
lasting legacies.
Outside the hospital one recent morning, Conway sat on a bench
feeding crackers to a flock of birds. On his lap was a health-proxy
form that needed his signature. Asked whether he felt comfortable
with his end-of-life arrangements, Conway nodded and puffed on a
cigarette.
’’Kathy will be the one to pull the plug when the time comes,’’
he said. ’’If the pain gets too bad, they’ll know what to do.’’
Conway was scheduled to be transferred to hospice care Wednesday
afternoon.
posted by Sara Hickman at 01:25 am
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let me know where you want me
September 20, 2007
you can go to my http://www.myspace.com/sarahick site and click on the "eventful" link and you can tell me if you want me to come to your town!
we just added this today, and i'd like to see where my strongest spots are to come and perform.
love,
sara
posted by Sara Hickman at 12:17 pm
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Stop This Madness!
September 18, 2007
Imagine walking into your local library, planning to read a
theologian such as Reinhold Niebuhr or Karl Barth, or a popular
inspirational work, such as Rick Warren's "Purpose-Driven Life"
or Harold Kushner's "When Bad Things Happen to Good People".
Or wanting to read the Koran. Or just to see a copy of the Bible...
But instead of finding such important and popular titles, you
discover that the religion section had been decimated - stripped
of any book that did not appear on a government-approved list.
That's exactly what's happening right now to inmates in federal
prisons under a Bush administration policy. As _The New York
Times_ put it, "chaplains have been quietly carrying out a
systematic purge of religious books and materials that were once
available to prisoners in chapel libraries."
I've just sent a message to the Federal Bureau of Prisons
protesting this absurd policy. Will you join me?
Just click here:
http://go.sojo.net/campaign/prisonlibraries?rk=z7wU2861p0BpW
You know, if we don't stop all this bizarre behaviour now, it is only going to get worse.
SPEAK OUT! Even if your voice shakes...cuz I'll be right there with you!
Love,
Sara
posted by Sara Hickman at 08:11 am
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Dallas Morning News About Sara’s Performance at ACL Fest
You had a favorable mention in the Dallas paper's review of
the ACL festival:
http://www.guidelive.com/sharedcontent/dws/ent/stories/DN-aclwrapup_0918gl.ART.State.Edition1.41f2ce7.html
If the link doesn't work:
"And Sara Hickman blasted folks with one bluesy vocal
punch after another. When she has the space to let go,
she's frighteningly good."
Hope all is well with you and your family,
Greg D
posted by Sara Hickman at 06:06 am
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LETTER TO MY MOM ABOUT AUSTIN CITY LIMITS Festival: Second Stage, Day Two!!!
September 16, 2007
Thanks to everyone who I've forgotten to mention...what a beautiful day, what amazing people..I hope you got to be there!!!
Love,
Sara
LETTER TO MY MOM ABOUT ACL FESTIVAL'S SHOW YESTERDAY ON THE AUSTIN VENTURES STAGE:
Mommy!
It was so exciting! I was going to wear a hat, and then I didn't wear a hat and just let my hair blow around
and it felt so GOOD! Everyone in the band was so NICE to work with, so PROFESSIONAL, and we only had TWO REHEARSALS and they aced
everything!! The horn players were so so so talented and great, and having them on stage just made it so bouncy! And David Grissom,
the guitarist, who is a LEGEND, well, not only is he GREAT as a player, but very generous and fun on stage to play off of...Kristin and
Lorrie looked laid back and Austin-y in their cute tops; they sang their pa-tooties off! Eddy played keys and he had all the string parts down,
wow...he looked cool in these black shades, too!
I took tee shirts and Kristin came over early yesterday and helped tie ribbons on them so we threw them from the stage during the show...
I also took beach balls which my dear, dear friend Nina helped me blow up (it was her BIRTHDAY and she still wouldn't let me blow
them up! and we wrote THANK YOU and SARA HICKMAN'S LOVE FEST all over them in black markers)...We threw those from the
stage too...they were bouncing high up in the audience during the show! One even came right at me during a song, and I just kept strumming, jumped from the mic, kicked it back out in the audience, back on the mic! Woo-hoo!
Thankfully, the stage covered all 10 of us from the blazing sun, but the poor audience was out in it, sweating away...they didn't care!
They were grooving and listening and laughing and singing along...Not sure how many people, maybe 1200 or so, but it was shifting
among the 70,00 + people so couldn't really tell, but it was A LOT! I brought the video cam Milo gave us on stage and had the
entire crowd say "AUSTIN CITY LIMITS FESTIVAL!" and when I asked, "Who rocks?" they yelled back, "WE DO!" so I have that all on
tape and it is hilarious and breathtaking to see it all from my vantage point on the stage.
...and Ado did a SUPERB job running sound and he came to all the rehearsals (Super Pal Universe AND adult
rehearsals...he just gave and gave and gave of himself!) and the girls got to sit on stage with Nina on the bleachers
under a canopy while Lance was out by Ado videotaping and I saw Jon Sullivan, Paul and Joan Hudson, Liz and
Duff Stuart (and their son, Adam) and Ingrid and Veronica and her mom and I had told the head of security that
Winker was my husband and to let him in so he could shoot photos and the head of security said, "Hey, I thought
I was your husband!" and I said, "Oh, of course, you're my CURRENT husband!" and he laughed and let Winker in
with the papparazzi of six other photographers with these GIANT lenses aimed at me so, silly me!, I just had fun and
made faces and raced up to the edge of the stage playing my guitar and acting all rock-n-roll in my beautiful
crocheted (spelling?) dress I got from TJ MAXX (originally $189, boughtit for $39!!!) and my blue clunky heels with glass
crystal on top and the beautiful blue flower necklace Teresa lovingly gave me and my smile as big as Texas!!!
Paul Pearcy's drums were crystaline, sparkly blue, too, and he just jammed away, with Glenn Fukunaga on bass
smiling bigger than ME! And, afterwards, Mark Murray was back stage telling me it was the BEST PERFORMANCE
he'd ever seen me give and the audience was SUPER, just loved eveyone so much! We were all sweaty and Pat,
the monitor man, had a cross around his neck and I asked him (before the show), "What church do you go to?"
and he said, "I go to Something-something Baptist!" (can't remember the name right now) and I said, "Oh, I go to
First United Methodist!" and he grinned and said, "We're all on the same team!" and I hugged him and I just felt so
much love from everyone's prayers and I felt WORRY FREE! I just went for it, and if I
didn't hit a note just right while I was singing, I had decided before hand I would just let it go in my mind right away...I had
decided I was going to be ALIVE and HAPPY and GRATEFUL to be on that stage! I even called Charlie Jones mother yesterday
(he is one of the founder's of ACL Fest) to tell her THANK YOU for having such a great son and how excited and honored I was to
play on the bill....
So, there you have it. I couldn't stop hugging everyone yesterday! Three of the Super Pal's were in the front of the stage, and it
was fun to sing to them during the show....and Mollie and her very nice boyfriend, Pat, came and helped carry guitars and it was one
heck of a great time, one of the best festival experiences for me, ever. (I"ve had so many great Kerrville ones, but it is tremedous to
have this one for my memory bank...) Oh! And Jeff and Sam Carr were back stage, too....where was Kathy...?
I love you, you are a great mom, and I am blessed to call you mom and thanks for always supporting me in my dream, through
thick and thin. I would not be the woman I am today without your love and guidance and for all your help when I needed you.
XOX
Sara
posted by Sara Hickman at 05:41 am
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