More dad memories
April 30, 2009
laying in the grass with our two guinea pigs, Charlotte and Nibbles, on
his shirt
Brisket
Seeing rows and rows and jars and jars of hand mixed acrylic paints
on hand made shelves my dad built in his painting studio
Popping in to say "goodnight" to my dad when his painting studio
was still upstairs in our house, the bright light of the overhead
bulb, walking in to see my dad's back as he was intent on finishing
a line or stroke
My dad buying my mom a beautiful piece of handmade jewelry
from...rats...hmm...what is his name? Well, we all had matching rings
my dad had made by this artist. My dad's was gold with lapis lupis (dark
blue stone) and my mom's was gold with ivory, with a small gold dot
in the middle, and my sister and I had matching gold rings with
half-lapis and half-ivory. I still have mine and wish I had my dad's.
Watching my dad laugh until he cried! When I am really goofy or
extremely tired, I do the same thing. It's an awesome feeling, to
laugh that hard!
My dad coming to visit my elementary school and to talk about
life as an artist. He brought HUGE paintings. I remember running around,
I was excited and nervous! And kind of embarrassed, too. So, I've always
remembered that feeling and tried my hardest to let my girls' know that
I"m coming to teach at their schools WAAAAY ahead of time so they
can, hopefully, not feel wierd when I show up.
Taking long family road trips in the car, a station wagon with
fake wood paneling, and my dad telling hilarious stories, sometimes
sad stories, that he would make up as he would drive. I vaguely
remember one about a hawk and a catapillar and their long journey.
Rounding the corner in a rainstorm in Maine to a GIANT dinosaur
tail up above the road! We pulled over...it was a dinosaur sculpture park,
with thunder and lightning---ppzzzapp!---and no one else at the park.
This was during the time I wanted to be a paleontologist, so I'm grateful my
parents pulled over for us to look at these strange creatures in the middle
of a wooded no where.
posted by Sara Hickman at 12:17 pm
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on the cusp of understanding those gentle dreams
April 28, 2009
i see their gaping mouths
they suck me up from ragged sheets,
the sweat soaked pillow,
the anger i had wallowed in
swallowed up long ago
when, once, it did begin
now a full blown habit
of unending dis-ease.
the halls and lines of walls
and dusty, hardened floors
of wood and sod and concrete and
plaster and mold and hair and
past and unseen
blood and tears
i walked these years, again and again,
searching for a secret
i can not see or know how to find
this lack of mine own eyes able to sigh
and stretch and flutter still,
these eyes that crane their neck
towards every sight between the blink
every sound a gong
these eyes are never going to
let me see the cooling
shades of nightfall
the harmony of rest
the waking of a dawn...
no one knows the horrors that have
crawled under my skin
others rise refreshed
while i struggle, just, to be my best.
love,
sara
4/28
waiting for word on my father
houston, tx
10:09 a.m.
posted by Sara Hickman at 10:03 am
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Take it easy…Take it slow. Slow parenting…
April 24, 2009
What is Slow-Parenting?
By LISA BELKIN
A running theme on Motherlode is that life simply goes by too fast. Carl Honoré thinks he has the solution.
He is the author of “The Power of Slow: Finding Balance and Fulfillment Beyond the Cult of Speed,” and, more recently,
“Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting,” which is being re-released in paperback
in the United States today.
Together the books have become a bible of sorts for those who are part of what has been dubbed
the “Slow Parenting” movement, although, as Honoré will tell you in a moment (patience, patience),
that is not his term.
He and I talked by email — Honoré home in London, me home in New York. The conversation, fittingly, meandered over several days. My questions and his answers were these:
What is slow parenting?
You know, the funny thing is that I don’t use the term “slow parenting” anywhere in Under Pressure.
I felt it didn’t communicate all of the complexities and nuances of modern childrearing. It seems to me
that today we are speeding up children too much in some ways (academic hot-housing, for example)
while slowing them down too much in other ways (not letting them walk to school alone until they’re, um, 23).
That said, the phrase “slow parenting” has gained currency — and so I’m happy to use it.
I take it to mean “slow” in its broadest sense. My first book, “In Praise of Slowness,” examines how the world
got stuck in fast-forward and chronicles a global trend towards putting on the brakes. That trend is called the
Slow movement.
“Slow” in this context does not mean doing everything at a snail’s pace. It means doing everything at the
right speed. That implies quality over quantity; real and meaningful human connections; being present
and in the moment.
To me, Slow parenting is about bringing balance into the home. Children need to strive and struggle and
stretch themselves, but that does not mean childhood should be a race. Slow parents give their children
plenty of time and space to explore the world on their own terms. They keep the family schedule under
control so that everyone has enough downtime to rest, reflect and just hang out together. They accept that
bending over backwards to give children the best of everything may not always be the best policy. Slow
parenting means allowing our children to work out who they are rather than what we want them to be.
Slow parents understand that childrearing should not be a cross between a competitive sport
and product-development. It is not a project; it’s a journey. Slow parenting is about giving kids lots
of love and attention with no conditions attached.
How did we get this off track in the first place?
We have stumbled into a unique moment in the history of childhood where we feel i
mmense pressure to give our children the best of everything and make them the best
at everything – to give them a “perfect” childhood.
We got here because a number of trends have converged at the same time to produce
a cultural perfect storm. The rise of globalization has brought more competition
and uncertainty to the workplace – which makes us more anxious about equipping
our kids for adult life. The consumer culture has reached a kind of apotheosis in recent years
and the net effect is to create a culture of soaring expectations: we now want perfect teeth,
perfect hair, a perfect body, perfect vacations, a perfect home – and perfect children to round off the portrait.
Demographics have also changed in ways never seen before in history. Smaller families mean
we have more time and money to lavish on each child. Parents are more anxious because
small families give them less experience of parenting and put their genetic eggs in fewer baskets.
Parents of both genders are having kids older, or after many years in the workplace. As a result,
we end up importing the office ethos into the home. We think, “Well, how can we parent better? Why
don’t we do what we do at work when we want to improve our performance: bring in the experts,
spend lots of money and put in long hard hours – we will professionalize parenting.”
The bottom line is that parents in this generation have lost their confidence. That makes us easy
prey for companies hawking unnecessary tools for childrearing (helmets to protect two-year-olds
from toddling injuries, anyone?). And very vulnerable to pressure from other parents
(“What, you mean your child doesn’t have a tutor?!?”).
Is the recession a possible reason for parents to slow down?
The recession could play out in two ways.
It could cause parents to push their children even harder in the belief that the
world has become still more competitive and if they fail to conquer Mandarin
by their fourth birthday they can forget about going to college.
But I prefer the optimistic view, which is that this recession will force us all to
rethink every aspect of our society – from the way we run the financial system
to the way we consume to the way we raise our children.
When there is less money around, then signing up for every single extracurricular
activity suddenly seems like a less attractive option. In these belt-tightening times,
and after a period of wild and reckless spending, maybe people will start to rediscover
the simple pleasures in life. For families, that means spending time together that does
not revolve around buying stuff, following a schedule or building the perfect resume.
This transition will be hard because we are all so marinated in the idea that we have to push,
polish and protect our kids with superhuman zeal. That we have to strain every sinew in our bodies,
and stretch every dollar we earn to the breaking point, to give them the best of everything and make
them the best at everything. But with time I think many parents will feel relieved that they have been
liberated from the tyranny of supplying the perfect childhood.
Here in London where I live, one father I know lost his job in banking. The result was his two
highly-scheduled children got yanked from most of their extracurricular activities.
For several weeks he felt like a failure but last Sunday he woke up and realized that the family
had a completely free day stretching out before them (instead of the usual manic dash to take the
kids to multiple activities) – and he actually felt good about it. “I exhaled and it was like I was letting
out a breath that I’d been holding for years,” he told me.
posted by Sara Hickman at 08:43 am
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The Metalpecker
across our concrete floor.
He went to check it out.
Sitting here at the computer, I heard him say, "It's coming from the fireplace...."
I shouted from the office, "Maybe it's a raccoon?"
The next thing I knew, he informed me it was a woodpecker.
He had gone outside and seen a small, red headed woodpecker peckin' away
at the top of our fireplace vent...
which
is
made
of
METAL.
Just another fun day here at the H.S. household!
Lance says, "It's flown away, but I saw it, sitting up there..."
Not more than five minutes go by, and we hear it pounding away again...
So we both sneak outside...sure enough, there it is. It's little beak
trying to gain entrance into a very solid surface.
Lance and I just stood there on the mound of grass behind our house, staring,
wondering.
"Maybe it's a young woodpecker?" I mused.
It stopped. I think I must have insulted it because it flew directly over our heads
and hasn't returned.
I guess, perhaps, we've discovered a new species?
posted by Sara Hickman at 06:36 am
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My Dad Is Laying in ICU in Houston
April 23, 2009
would fall asleep when the t.v. was on
he loves m&ms
he loves to paint until 4:30 in the morning
he loves to read
he loves, with all his heart, matisse
he loves the color purple
his middle name is coleman
he has one sister
he has a little white dog named max that looks like a mop!
he has an orange cat with a smushy face
he was a marine
he lives in new ulm, tx in a house that has 14, 000 square feet!
he used to collect beanie babies and put them on his dash board
he made his own furniture
he once hand sewed himself a purple suit (pants and jacket)
he was a christian, for awhile, and painted a beautiful portrait of
jesus at the well
he was married three times
he teaches art
he has two daughters
he loved waylon jennings and jane (darn, can't think of her name...french singer)
and a guy from "the dukes of hazard" who put out a record
his parents were named martha and al
he once painted kennedy on the beach in africa during his stint in the marines
(he was the only artist in the troops and the president was visiting)
he introduced me to herb alpert and the tijuana brass
he cried one time when he heard me singing "mr. bojangles"
the best time was driving across texas and up into arkansas together, just the two of us
to visit family in rogers, arkansas
he burned popcorn, once, when i was a kid and my mom was out of town! our whole
house smelled bad for an entire day
he had a quadruple by-pass the day i was recording "oh, daddy"
he went to scotland
he went to italy
he loved cigars
he has taught at the U of H since 1969
he cut the wierd fish off my line in padre island when i caught a
long slinky silver eel with gianormous eyes
that's all i can think of right now
posted by Sara Hickman at 05:02 pm
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